Kryptonite

Things are rather grim at the moment. The following is an exaggeration, but the melodrama makes me feel better...

The air conditioning is spewing very little air into my bedroom and I don't much like how loud my trusty box fan is when turned up to its highest setting. It's what I imagine riding in a fan-propelled airboat on a bayou would sound like. But the cool-but-noisy vs. still-but-sweltering debate is a no-brainer: cool-but-noisy every time. 

Last night I woke up in a fit because I was too hot. Pillows, blankets, PJs, hair, etc. - all uncomfortably warm and heavy and terrible. A sleep-tantrum ensued and I kicked every offending article from my bed. Lost my cool because I couldn't keep my cool. 

A lesson on Kryptonite (as outlined on Wikipedia): 

Superman is most vulnerable to Kryptonite... Exposure to Kryptonite nullifies Superman's powers and immobilizes him with pain and nausea; prolonged exposure will eventually kill him.

Substitute "kryptonite" and "Superman" with "heat" and "Lauren" (respectively) and adjust the pronouns... There... That about covers it. (It will kill me.)

DISCLAIMER: Hot weather related whine-posts will continue through September at the latest.

In Summer!

I never did choke on that darn fly. Like most flies, I think it attempted escape and ended up dying in the space between my window and window screen. You can only buzz around in there for so long... I also killed a giant spider the other day as it crawled out from under my bed. And don't forget the dozens of mosquitoes who met their own untimely ends as they sampled Lauren's all-you-can-drink-before-getting-slapped buffet. Ah, summer... 

Speaking of summer, today's temperature was just over 90 degrees. Which is entering uncomfortable territory for me. My clothes start feeling not right on my body, my hair feels like I'm wearing warm blanket over my head, and I lose energy with every increase in temperature. When I got home from work today I walked straight into my bedroom, stripped off my outfit, and collapsed on my bed where I napped for over an hour. After waking I felt like a human again, and not a surly she-beast. Now I'm back in bed - fully clothed in my PJ's, thank you - my box fan humming softly as it blows cool air from my bedroom floor. Ah, summer evenings...

Here are a few other things I enjoy about summer that I would do well to remember when I can't take the heat...

• Watermelon
• Trips to the pool
• Lots more daylight, especially early in the mornings.
• Fireworks
• "Those su-hummer (pause) na-hiiiiiights!"
• Slushies, Slurpees, Icees...
• Flip-flops
• Not having to pause at crosswalks or reduce speed in school zones on my way to work.
• Barbecues
• Outdoor movies and concerts
• Baseball games
• Lagoon

LAGOON!

Lagoon today, guys. HUGE success! Again, no pictures documenting our adventures, but you could consider that an added triumph as I only looked at my phone when I needed to check the time or answer a call. A few of us enjoyed ourselves so much we redeemed today's ticket for a discount on a season pass. So if there are any other Lagoon season pass holders out there, just let me know... You are welcome to join me as I chase the nostalgia of my adolescent years. 

My ideal Lagoon companion would be someone brave who could motivate me to go on the scarier rides (namely Wicked), but would totally understand if maybe I wasn't up to it. Would also sit with me during the sometimes-cheesy-but-still-impressive live music shows and patiently walk through Pioneer Village looking at old-timey things. Taste for Dippin' Dots ice cream also attractive quality. Must not be afraid of delinquent youths as the park is usually teeming with them. Rides I will not even consider: Sky Coaster, Rocket Re-Entry (Blast-Off is fine), Catapult, Wild Mouse. (So just drop it.)