Self Delusion and Diagnosis

A sick day. Nothing too serious... I hope. So while I might've been doubled over with stomach cramps and nausea, it was the perfect kind of day to just sit online and delude myself into thinking I was getting a lot accomplished. Type-y type, type, type-y type. I had previously been looking up my not-so-serious symptoms online, but that didn't do much for my mild hypochondria. Whenever you look up any sort of harmless symptom online, you will always get the same answer: CANCER. Nooooooo... While I'm sure sometimes cancer might be the answer (no one wants to be right about that one), I don't think what I have is quite that serious... I hope. It was probably just a bad taco... But because I was insensitive about online diagnosing, it will be cancer. Type-y type, type, type-y type. My mom finally told me to stop trying to self-diagnose myself online. Usually she'll threaten me with the prospect of seeing an actual doctor and by that time (POOF!!) my symptoms miraculously disappear. 

Aside from obsessing over my tummy troubles, I've been going through the cache of photos I've taken over the last year and came across a few more of my old apartment. I posted some of my bedroom at one point, but never posted any others. So for those of you who never saw the apartment and had any interest in seeing it (probably no one), here are the remaining pictures. I'd invite you over, but I don't live there anymore. 

View from the entry-way. That's some sexy wood panelling...

Couch courtesy Josh and Kelly Sumner. Bless them. 

Some of Lauren's books and stuff.

The door. Very large and disproportionate to the rest of the apartment.

Love Sac, baby Love Sac.

Kitchen.

Lauren's.

So that's it really. Blink and you'd miss it. 

Loving-kindnesses

I'm feeling a little wilted this evening. I was doing okay up until around the time I had to leave work. What triggered my wilting? I don't know... Just a random discouraging thought. Then the floodgates opened and there was a torrent of random discouraging thoughts. And now I feel all wilted... and stuff. 

Some of you may think, "Oh, Lauren... I don't understand you." Well, that's not really the point. I will have days that amuse and delight, but there will also be days of defeat scattered throughout. Days where you can't outrun everything that bothers you. I guess my legs cramped up a little today. 

. . .

I've been studying the Old Testament for the past year or so. I started out just reading straight through, but Numbers proved to be quite the snooze. I decided I would spend less time lazily skimming over verse after verse of impossible names and concentrate my efforts on actual doctrine. Not that I don't have a testimony of Numbers...

During my studies I came across a word that perhaps I hadn't really paid much attention to before. Loving-kindness. I don't think I've ever even heard this word used outside of the context of the Gospel. Even then, it doesn't appear very often. I first came across it in Isaiah 63:7...

I will mention the loving-kindnesses of the LORD, and the praises of the LORD, according to all that the LORD hath bestowed on us, and the great goodness toward the house of Israel, which he hath bestowed on them according to his mercies, and according to the multitude of his loving-kindnesses.

And then again in Jeremiah 9:23-24...

Thus saith the LORD, Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, neither let the mighty man glory in his might, let not the rich man glory in his riches:

But let him that glorieth glory in this, that he understandeth and knoweth me, that I am the LORD which exercise loving-kindness, judgment, and righteousness, in the earth: for in these things I delight, saith the LORD.

And Psalms 51:1... 

Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy loving-kindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies... 

After doing a little more research, I discovered that this term refers specifically to acts of kindness motivated by love. (Well, duh...) BUT it is used primarily to describe God, rather than His children. Another source defined loving-kindnesses as tender and benevolent affections, benevolence being a disposition to continually do good. I may not have a perfect testimony, but I do know that the "greatest good" in my life comes from my Heavenly Father. 

My understanding of all this is that every blessing the Lord bestows, no matter how great or small, is a loving-kindness, purely because everything He does is motivated by that perfect love He feels for His children. While this love is unconditional and universal, it is also unique to each individual - just as each blessing, each trial, each experience is unique. Heavenly Father doesn't have a grab bag of blessings that He tosses to the masses at random. And here's why...

The Lord's tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ. 

David A. Bednar, "Tender Mercies of the Lord"

So I guess what I'm trying to say is... I really love the idea of this beautiful word. And that the Lord "delights" in blessing us. I need to remember the loving-kindnesses that I've been shown, especially in those moments of wilted defeat. Because the blessings are still there in abundance. They're just a little harder to see when I get in my own way. 

How precious is your loving-kindness, O God! 

And the children of men take refuge in the shadow of your wings. 

-Psalm 36:7-

Like the London Bridge

On Saturday I was waiting for the mailman almost all morning. I was sending something to a friend and wanted to make sure it was picked up. Finally at about 1:00 in the afternoon, I looked out my living room window and saw the mailman (or woman... sometimes it's hard to tell) making the rounds. I crossed the room and headed for the front door in my stocking feet. Well, my sister had just polished the hardwood floors and I was moving rather quickly, not paying attention to where I was going because my sights were set on the mail "person" outside. I hit a particularly slippery spot on the floor and lost my balance. I was this close to falling flat on my backside, but gracefully regained my balance with a few arm flails. 

No sooner was I safely back on both feet when something caught my eye. The mailman was walking across my neighbor's lawn when he stepped in some sort of sink-hole in the grass and went sprawling forward with a bundle of mail in his arms. Like me, he was fortunate enough to regain his footing with a few awkward stumbles and avoid humiliation. It was funny enough thinking of my own mishap, but to see the mail "individual" do almost the same thing a split second later? It was beyond hilarious.

THEN, this evening I had the pleasure of watching my sister walk up our front lawn from her car and trip over a sprinkler head. She was acting all huffy about something when suddenly her foot caught on the sprinkler and her body was propelled forward. Her purse and grocery bag were the first to go flying through the air, quickly followed by Katie herself with arms flung out in front of her to break the fall. She face-planted into the grass and seconds later rolled over in a fit of giggles. 

You know what? Watching people fall or slip or trip is funny. Even if it's just you by yourself as you try to walk across your living room. I have a friend who blogged about this very thing recently - in fact, I'm pretty sure she's had a laugh or two at my expense. Admittedly, I really have no problem with laughing at others' misfortune (though not ALL) because I am one of the most falling-est down-est people I know. Ask anyone. I trip if a slab of concrete is off by a millimeter. I fall on my rear if I misjudge the number of stairs I'm descending. I slip if my foot gets anywhere near a snow-packed walkway.  

... And it's hysterical every time.

Tripping Statue, Boldt Gallery

Not a real post, just a little something.

Yes, you are.

P.S. I was fairly amused when I right-clicked this GIF and the menu said "Copy Link." Where has this boy gone?

Okay... We're Back

Just FYI...

(Because I couldn't go to bed on such a downer...)

James McAvoy will be playing Elton John in a new bio-pic called Rocketman. I rejoice!

I watched the new trailer for The Avengers. Mark Ruffalo is playing the Hulk! That movie is going to explode with all those beautiful men on-screen.

Scary and fun new calling back in the old YSA Ward. Nothing I haven't dealt with before, but still...

I bought Ryan Adams' new album, Ashes and Fire. I recommend it. It was a very pleasant listening experience. 

I'm into my second week of Zumba and my legs are finally catching up to the rest of my body out on the dance floor.

Angela's new baby girl is a beauty! 

All of my clean laundry has been neatly tucked away. Which is good news for my bed and for my cat who was inadvertently jostled while I was blindly clearing off my bed last night. I'm sorry, but cats look like piles of clothes in the dark. 

30 Rock is a hoot.

I had bacon for dinner. Not just bacon. Let's just say it was well-represented in the overall dining experience.

Martin Scorsese directed a documentary about George Harrison. I watched Part 1 last night after Zumba. I'm bias, but I really liked it. Lots of interesting interviews, pictures, and video footage.

I have a headache so I'm going to bed now. Oh-tay!

Road Ragin'

I was about 10 minutes late to Zumba the other night thanks to two different drivers, both of them very old and both of them in very large, very expensive-looking sedans. There are those who think because they own a luxury vehicle that they are a) seeming invincible and b) that the rest of us just have to deal with whatever traffic laws they make up as they go along. Forget that their driving is unsafe and infuriating - they can do what they want because they're driving a Cadillac. But really, I don't care what you drive as long as you can drive!


(Confession: I've been known to apply mascara while driving, but that's only because I am SUCH a good driver. I'm able to multi-task. Maybe this is why my own grandmother gets so nervous whenever I'm the one driving...)

If you're interested, you may read below for very lengthy account of what happened with these drivers. Complete with visual aids.

Driver #1:

THIS guy... I followed him from 3300 south all the way down to Murray-Holladay Road at an excruciatingly slow speed. It's not that great a distance when you're going 40-45 mph, but crawling at a steady 30-33? I wanted to scream. And I did, all while trying to find the perfect opportunity to pass him. It never came...

Driver #2:

Ah, yes... Driver #2. After finally shaking Speedy Gonzalez in the big red Chevy (he finally turned onto another street) I was cruising at a more reasonable speed, fortuitously hitting ever green light along my merry way. And then as I passed through the intersection at Highland Drive and Murray-Holladay Road, this big white Buick started inching around the corner. I gave a small tap of the horn to let her know I was coming, thinking, "She's bound to stop once she realizes there is oncoming traffic and that her light is red. She's just anticipating her turn. SHE yields to ME." But no. She blindly meandered around the corner as slow as could be and I slammed my brakes to avoid smashing into her. She, however, didn't bat an eyelid - just proceeded to turn her corner.

Luckily she pulled into the far lane so I was able to stay on course and regain momentum. Until, still oblivious to my presence, she decided she didn't like the far lane. Without signaling, she started veering into my lane as I tried to pass her. Screeeeech went the brakes, HONK went my horn, and "What in hell are you doing???" went my mouth. It did. I was pretty rattled by her complete disregard of other drivers, of which there were quite a few. I didn't know if it was ignorance or indifference on her part. Either way it almost resulted in 2 accidents. 

Finally, she was in her own lane. And this time she stayed there. I tried not to peer into the yacht on wheels as I passed it, but I just couldn't help myself. I wanted to know who I was up against. I started to feel a little bad. Then again, if I hadn't honked she would have hit me. That's what horns are for, to make your presence known to an otherwise clueless traveller who could potentially cause an accident. I felt my honking was justified. Yelling? Well, that was more for my benefit than anyone else. And nobody heard it but me. 

So... what exactly was I dealing with? Who was this mad woman who had taken to the road with rebellious abandon, traffic laws be damned...? 

OI...

I have no beef with you, lady. Just please be a little more careful!  The next corner you turn could be your (or my!) last.

DISCLAIMER: Any resemblance of the above picture to anyone's grandmother or aunt or piano teacher or Relief Society president is purely coincidental. 

THE END