Tuesday, June 28, 2011

"I does what I likes and I likes what I do."

I like what I like because... I like it. And here's what Lauren likes...

I like chocolate because it is delicious and not terribly good for me. I like reading because I like books. I like books because I like reading. I like watching movies because they are an excellent distraction from the tedium. I like The Simpsons because it's silly. I like 80s music because it reminds me of my childhood as I grew up idolizing my super cool older cousins. I like 80s movies a la John Hughes because I still have teen angst. I like doing anything artistic because it's one of the few things that I'm genuinely good at. I like writing because it's cathartic. I like cleaning for the same reason. I like cooking because I like food. I like food because it's food. I like autumn because of the smells associated with autumn: campfire, dead leaves, rain. I like making people laugh because it's better than making them cry. I like getting dressed up because I'm vain. I like walking because I hate running. I like singing in choirs because it's less stressful than singing alone. I like being with my family because they're nuts. I like poetry by Wordsworth, Keats, and Byron because I am literary. 




AND I like the snooze button because it buys me more ZZZZs. 

Saturday, June 25, 2011

What a Day, Holy Toledo



Yesterday was fun! And a little sad. And a little surreal. But still fun! To say the least, it was emotional. I think I ran the gamut of emotions in the short span of just one day... A friend of mine got married. This is a friend whom I have shared some of the most memorable experiences of my life with. And all the good, bad, and ugly in between. Yes, I have been her shadow... And as such I felt lucky to celebrate such an occasion with she and her now husband. It was a ridiculously beautiful day for a ridiculously beautiful wedding! Ridiculous!

I also was able to spend the day with quite a few of my very favorite people. It was like that old TV show "This Is Your Life!" I saw friends from way, way back - friends who I don't get to see very often but once I do, it's like nothing has changed. These are friends I've also shared important milestones with. They may have gone on to pursue bigger and better things, but still, they've left a little place for me in their lives. Friends who I love, admire, and adore because of how they've influenced me over the years.  Friends who say they love this little blog of mine... wink, wink.... Yes, these friends. Accompanied by lots of hugs and lots of laughter - I can always use more of these in my life. 

As we gathered in a backyard where so many of us have shared numerous fond memories throughout the years, I was speaking to one friend in particular and he simply stated, "Everyone's the same. Nobody's changed." I'm sure there have been changes, but the important things remain.  And we don't have to see each other every day to make it so. 

I love these people.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Open Letters

Dear Teenage Girls in TJ Maxx,

It's bad enough having to browse through the women's section without you picking out garments at random and openly mocking them in front of the entire store. So get your tiny fannies back over to the juniors department where you will undoubtedly find your micro-minis and nasty jewel-encrusted Ed Hardy t-shirts...


Dear Pandora,

I realize you must make big money off of those loud and obnoxious ads you are so keen on playing every 20 minutes, but I could really do without the omnipresent Ideal Image Hair Removal ad gracing the right-hand side of my screen. You know, the one featuring none other than a close-up of a woman's bikini area? If you're that good, we'll just take your word for it.


Dear Mosquitoes,

I don't have any blood left. Leave me alone.


Dear Dirty Dishes,

There are so many of you and only one of me. I may have broken that one glass on accident, but let it be a lesson to the rest of you. That's right.


Dear Utah Residents,

Yes, it is hot. We live in a desert. But we haven't even hit 90 degrees yet! Summer is hot, winter is cold... And spring and autumn are unpredictable.


Dear New Dress,

You better look spectacular tomorrow! Not just nice, not just average... it starts with an S and ends with -PECTACULAR!


Dear Nancy Grace,

I sincerely hope I never have to wake up to the sound of your voice again. You are a horrible and frightening woman.


Dear Cute Guy on the Street,

Thanks for the smile and wave as I drove past the other day. I do not know who you are, but thanks for being friendly. And cute!


Dear Entertainment Weekly,

Thank you for providing a small glimpse into what will be the first installment of The Hobbit... Also, for officially announcing that Benedict Cumberbatch will be providing both voice and performance capture for Smaug. I had him pegged for an elf... 


Dear Blog,

Thanks for listening...


Dear Self,

You blog too much.


Sincerely... Cordially... Truly Yours...


Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Coming Soon!!

I just came home from The Two Towers... We clocked in at 3 hours 55 minutes (woof!) by the time all was said and done. Let me warn you, I will be writing a very lengthy and nerd-worthy post about my experience seeing these movies again (as they were meant to be seen - just ask Peter Jackson) in theaters. I haven't been this close to the stories since the last time I read the books and it's been somewhat refreshing to enjoy the films in a venue where all of your attention is focused completely on the screen. Usually when I watch them at home it's not just to sit and watch... They're all of them roughly 4 hours long so often I'll find little projects to work on - my hands start itching for some form of creative occupation after sitting idly that long. And the viewing experience just isn't the same in my basement, eyes glued to a tiny screen, ears straining to hear the surround sound-less sound. The battle of Helm's Deep is somewhat lackluster in that particular setting... Might I suggest, reader(s?), that you purchase tickets to the third installment? Next Tuesday, June 28th at 7:00 pm. 

And if you don't go, don't worry. You'll get to read all about it here...

And now...

Some GOOD NEWS/BAD NEWS!

The Good... This week at work hasn't killed me thus far!

The Bad... The week isn't over yet. Cue ominous music of the soap opera organ variety...

The Good... I have been decorating a gazebo with grapevine and twinkle lights for a wedding and it's actually looking pretty good! And by good I mean not hideous.

Or so I thought...

The Bad... I came across a little electrical problem when I discovered my strands of lights weren't connecting. I was left with two innies, no outties, and no way to plug anything in! Dilemma! 

The Good... From all the time I've spent shimmying up a ladder to hang the aforementioned grapevine and twinkle lights, my upper body's gotten a pretty good workout.

The Bad... I may have the neck and shoulders of a gymnast by the time I'm finished. Not that that's not super attractive or anything. Just not on this particular body.

The Good... I've enjoyed quite a few tolerable hair days this week.

The Bad... Why do I still want to chop it all off?

The Good... I have a new calling that I think I'll enjoy. Mostly because I've had this particular calling before, but still... It beats (and I'm sorry to say this, I really am!) Visiting Teaching Supervisor... shudder. 

The Bad... ZAP!!  The previous statement afforded me the swift strike of a lightning bolt. And a surefire guarantee that my next calling will be Visiting Teaching COORDINATOR.

The Good... Lady Gaga's latest contribution to the music world ("The Edge of Glory") has me totally hooked. That 80s-inspired saxophone solo clinched it for me... I tell ya. 

The Bad... It probably has another week of air-play before it's the next "Rolling in the Deep." Why, radio?? Why do you over-expose awesome music until I can't even remember why I liked it in the first place? And why do you over-expose music I never even liked? Cue "Hey, Soul Sister."

The Good... I watched the original TRON this past weekend. Jeff Bridges circa 1982? Get me to a time machine! Or find me some other means to traverse the space/time continuum!... But really. 


The Bad... As young and beautiful as Jeff Bridges is in this movie, most of his screen-time is spent wearing a dopey looking helmet. Thank heavens the powers that be had the foresight to abolish the hockey (and hokey) helmet/headgear in the newest installment. I'm sorry, but I'd say that was a definite improvement over the original. Aesthetically speaking. That, and the movie score. Uh, musically speaking.

The Good... I may be picking up voice lessons. 

The Bad... It may be my complete undoing. Talent? Bushel?... Sigh.


Sunday, June 19, 2011

The man who left his "ahrn" on...

"Hey, Dad."

"Hey, Laur." 


Below is a list of 50 or so words/phrases/things/memories associated with my Dad. In no particular order...

Tenor - Edna Turnblad:"I left my ahrn on" - Gospel Scholar - Referee - Scrabbler - Sacrifice - Folk Music - Swimmer - Ticklish Feet - Crosswords - Good Advice - Laugh - Cyclist - Testimony - Intelligent - Slow to Anger - Flared Nostrils - Missionary - Field of Dreams - College Grad - Broadway Musicals - Wit - Basketball - Good Son - "Martyr" - Crosswords - Mexican Food - Alisa - Katie - Michael - Lauren - Loves My  Mom - Donations - Funny - Supportive - The Cabbage Patch - Teacher - Survivor - German - Finances - Tennis Player - Strong - "Cute" - Squirter of Water - BYU - Law & Order - Patience - Silverado - Vacations - Bratwurst - Sparkling Water - Priesthood - Telephone "Love You"



Happy Papa's Day!

Friday, June 17, 2011

Here It Comes

Tomorrow is the last day before the beginning of the end. That doesn't make much sense, I realize, but as the next month unfolds you will probably read more about it right here. Let me just say that my work life is about to become a total nightmare. Here's hoping we survive all the changes that are coming and that we will prove their equals. Oh, how I abhor and detest change. Some changes are good, I suppose. Changes like weight loss and cute haircuts and new clothes and making friends and visiting new places. We all like those changes... It's the looming BIG changes, the ones you don't know how to prepare yourself for that leave you feeling a little bit defeated. Some you submit yourself to and simply embrace (because what choice do you have, right?) and others you avoid like a flesh-eating disease, submission be damned. "Nope! Sorry, not for me! Thanks anyway!" Ah, well... As sung by The Weepies, "The world spins madly on." 

It really does.


Monday, June 13, 2011

"BLAAAAH! I am a kraken from the sea!"

Some days, I am a Kraken from the sea. Today was one of those days. I suppose it really began yesterday. For the most part I enjoyed a wonderful Sunday, but once darkness fell I found myself combating a mild fever. The rest of the night was spent in my bed, tossing and turning the night away, interrupted only by mad dashes to the bathroom... I'll stop there. 


It was only 65 degrees in my apartment, but it felt like I was in the jungles of Vietnam. I'm not basing that statement on personal experience, but from what I've seen in movies Vietnam has to have one of the most unrelenting global landscapes and climates known to mankind. So Vietnam it is. In addition to the inexplicable heat, it didn't help that every muscle in my body ached - from my itty-bitty pinky toes all the way up to my earlobes. And the space between my ears where a semi-functioning brain used to be was reduced to nothing but a throbbing pile of mush. On top of all that, I had an early morning and a long day to look forward to. Monday was a bust before Monday had even begun!


... Then... Monday came... More of the same aches and pains and sprints to the powder room, only this time I didn't have the luxury of retreating to my bed. Or coming and going as I pleased. Or shutting everyone and everything out while I willed the hours to pass. Pass, they did... 8 of them. 8 hours, one spilled Root Beer in my car, and about 1,000 heavy sighs later it was time to go home. And so this ghoulish girl (not kidding... my overall complexion has been gray) dragged herself home and into bed where she took 4 Advil and blogged about her day.  And watched a ridiculous amount of Frasier re-runs online.


To quote the Mamas and the Papas:


"Monday Monday, can't trust that day..."


So beware the Mondays. They're a sneaky, vindictive bunch. Serves me right for praising my weekends so highly in a previous post...


Now, Tuesday. Tuesday is already taking shape and promises to be a far cry better than Monday. Why? It may have something to do with going to see Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring extended cut at Century 16. Or yummy foodies. Or being with some dear and entertaining folk. 


Or the fact that a friend posted this video on my facebook and now I think I will watch it every morning to start my day.




Take that, Monday!

All my love,

The Kraken...







Sunday, June 12, 2011

I Have Felt

Scotland. Somewhere between Loch Ness and Sterling.



That which we dare invoke to bless;
         Our dearest faith; our ghastliest doubt;
         He, They, One, All; within, without;
The Power in darkness whom we guess;

I found Him not in world or sun,
         Or eagle's wing, or insect's eye;
         Nor thro' the questions men may try,
The petty cobwebs we have spun:

If e'er when faith had fall'n asleep,
         I heard a voice, "Believe no more,"
         And heard an ever-breaking shore
That tumbled in the Godless deep,

A warmth within the breast would melt
         The freezing reason's colder part,
         And like a man in wrath the heart
Stood up and answer'd, "I have felt."

No, like a child in doubt and fear:
         But that blind clamour made me wise;
         Then was I as a child that cries,
But crying, knows his father near;

And what I am beheld again
         What is, and no man understands;
         And out of darkness came the hands
That reach thro' nature, moulding men.


~Alfred Lord Tennyson, 1809-1892

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Smile Like You Mean It


Speaking of the U, I really miss school. I do. My sister was talking about how much homework she had for an LDSBC class she's taking over the summer and my mouth started watering. Mmmm, homework. It's probably time to start making a decision on the school front, whether its grad school or art school or no school. Well, I've procrastinated the decision this long, what's another day/week/month/year?

I have an excellent idea... Let's change the subject.

Tonight was rather interesting... I went on a blind date with a friend of a friend - someone I had never even laid eyes. Hence the blindness. I told my friend I would go on this date on 2 conditions: the first being that we double (she offered, bless her heart!), the second being that we do something easy and non-stress inducing. So we decided ice cream was a pretty safe bet. Well... we did go for ice creamies, but the doubling idea fell through due to a scheduling conflict. I'll spare you the hair-pulling that led up to the actual date, but I did have a good time. No pressure, no cringe-worthy awk-wierdness, just some ice cream, conversation, and a walk around Sugarhouse. I can handle this. Can't I??

The second half of the evening was spent at a Bachelorette Party where there was no shortage of... cough, cough... interesting topics of discussion. And forget about the party favors... It was fun! I think... Just a bunch of girls behaving as girls do at a Bachelorette Party. Minus the male strippers, though there were some lovely cut-outs of male models a la GQ magazine decorating the walls. And a "man-servant" from Yorkshire whose name escapes me at the moment. He was in charge of the drinks and looking studly. After the party, I felt slightly more informed about certain "things" (more than I probably wanted to be!) and just a little red in the face. Oh my! 

Not bad for a Thursday. And tomorrow's Friday... and the day after that is Saturday! And the day after THAT is... well, you get the idea. My excitement ends when we reach Monday. Good gracious, I love the weekends. Wish there were more of them. I also wish there were more good hair days, happy hour at Ichiban Sushi days, movies at the Broadway Theater days, 70 degree temperature days, overcoming weakness days, walking in the sunshine days, time flies by at work days, and having parties with friends days. Yeah, gimme some more of those days. 

Friday, June 3, 2011

Always, Sometimes, Never

Captain's Log.: Day 6... All's quiet on the cyber-front. The facebook fast is going well. I did check my email today to see if I'd received any messages from the facebook world, but there were only a couple. One invitation to a movie and a little note from my mom. Other than that, all contact has been cut off.

And now... always, sometimes, never. 

I always... 

... fix or adjust rugs that are askew. I do the same for anything hanging on the wall as well. I can't just leave it looking like that! Ack!

... shimmy my shoulders whenever I have to slam on my brakes unexpectedly. I don't know why. Maybe it's like I'm bracing for impact or something.

... wear Bath and Body Works lotion. Unless it's Victoria Secret. Either way I'm leaving my house smelly. Good smelly.

... write in my journal in cursive. It's good penmanship practice and it's a bit quicker than printing. Which is nice when you're trying to record your thoughts as fast as they're popping into your head.

... pepper my food. I can often do without the salt. We're big on pepper in my family and my sister Alisa uses about half a shaker-full every time we sit down to dinner. Pepper the inside of your hamburger or sandwich the next time you have one. You'll thank me later.

... listen to music. Always.

... use SPF 15 moisturizer. Oil of Olay for sensitive skin or equivalent.

... remove my make-up before bed. I hear there are these little mites that feed on mascara residue as you sleep. No thanks.

... wear earrings. Otherwise, I feel naked.

... worry about STUFF! And the stuff I worry about is usually pretty irrational.

... break out in red splotches when super nervous, mostly when I have to get up in front of an audience. Goodbye confidence, hello hives!

... order the Cajun Chicken Fettucini when it's on Boston Deli's specials menu. It hadn't been there for a long time and so last week I left a comment about it on Boston Deli's website. I received an email from the owner that same day saying "he'd take care of it" and that he was glad I liked it so much. Low and behold, this week it shows up on their menu. I love the influence I hold at fine downtown eating establishments! As if.

I sometimes...

... eat out a little too much. There are weeks where between going to lunch with co-workers and going to dinner with friends, I'll eat out about 5 times a week. Yikes.

... exercise. I'm trying to make this an always. I've gotten the last 7 days in a row under my belt.

... watch all-day marathons of America's Next Top Model and Mythbusters... and Project Runway and Clean House... I just can't help myself.

... get teary when Disneyland commercials come on the telly. Don't ask me why.

... sing in the shower. Like, full-out singing. But usually only if I'm sure I'm home alone and there's no one else who can hear me.

... get very passive-aggressive. I'm not a big fan of conflict and confrontation, but that doesn't mean there's not a lot going on under the surface. Oh dear...

... wish I could move away to a small town in the mountains. Like somewhere in Oregon. Within a reasonable distance of Portland, of course.

... talk to myself. And that's not the worst of it... Sometimes I use accents!

... see rated R movies. I can name at least five. It's a rare occurrence, though, and I do my homework before seeing anything. The last one I saw was The King's Speech. I have seen a couple I wish I hadn't. Specifically Silence of the Lambs and Se7en. Never again. Never never never.

I never...

... watch anything written, produced, voiced, or directed by Seth MacFarlane. He makes The Simpsons look more like The Waltons. Okay, so Stewie can be pretty funny...

... drink milk that is past the expiration date. Or any other perishable items. I've had some bad dairy experiences in the past when I was not always so careful. Shudder.

... eat anything from the ocean that once looked like a giant insect.

... wake up before 7:00 am. If I can help it.

... use the same mop for my kitchen that I do for my bathroom. Any chance of cross-contamination is just not worth the risk. I don't care how clean you think something is, if it was anywhere near a toilet then you'd better be soaking it for 3 days in bleach and scalding hot water afterwards. And even then I have my doubts. On second thought, just throw it away. Double shudder.

... wear a dress or skirt without some type of body-slimming device, be they tights or pantyhose or whatever. TMI?

... enjoy flying. Never ever. The only part I even remotely enjoy is when I feel the wheels touch down. Gently.

... complete anything on time. It's always a down to the second rush to the finish line.

... turn down chocolate. Duh.

... go to bed before 10. Or 11. And sometimes not even before midnight. I get my best ideas during the wee hours of the morning.

... iron anything after washing it. It goes straight in my closet and if I need it later, the I will iron it. Otherwise it just gets squished in my closet and the trouble I went to to iron it goes wasted.

... show up on time for anything! Not because I don't want to, but because that's just how things usually end up.

... answer my phone if it's a number I don't know. Leave a message, please!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

The Pursuit of Happiness



The other day I was sitting at home talking to my parents. The topic of the discussion was happiness... Here we go. I told them that in my ward many lessons were given and testimonies born about one of my very favorite (insert sarcasm here) principles: "Choose to be happy." Seriously, we have had entire Sunday School lessons devoted to this principle. I'm not even sure it's doctrinal, but it's basically this idea that no matter what happens to you or where you may find yourself in life, that you ALWAYS have a choice to be happy. To cheer up. That if you have bad day, you have no one to blame but yourself. That if you just think positively, what you want to have happen WILL. Mmmmm... I don't think so. At least, not in every situation.


It's a topic that's been long-philosophized in my home. If you know anything about my family and our dynamic, you know why. 


During this particular discussion, my Dad pointed something out to me that shed a little light on things. In all his wisdom, he simply stated "Lauren, there has to be opposition in all things." (Read 2 Nephi 2:11-13 here) That includes happiness and sadness. How can we have one without the other? Without sadness, how would happiness be realized? Sometimes we need to be brought low before we're raised up. If happiness were as easy as that to come by (POOF!), it would have no value. How would God communicate to us when something is wrong, when there may be something we need to change in our lives or improve upon? How could we even recognize it? 


We should strive for happiness because it is our ultimate goal. "Men are that they might have joy." (also in 2 Nephi Chapter 2) It's called the Plan of Happiness for a reason, right? Right. But the road to happiness is fraught with all sorts of hazards, most of which are entirely unexpected. It may not be possible for us to, in the moment, switch gears and choose happiness. However, we can make choices that will lead us to that happiness, choices that will bring us joy, if not instantaneously then eventually. We cannot always control our reactions to certain circumstances, but we can control our actions. That means after a really crappy day I can choose to go out for a walk instead of sitting in my bedroom brooding and cursing the world. The walk doesn't change how terrible my day was, but ultimately I'll feel better. Maybe not 100%, but if I can feel even a little bit better then it's worth it. We simply forge ahead. 


If I feel sad or upset about something - I don't care what it is - I don't want to feel like I don't have any right to those feelings. I don't want to feel like I'm not doing everything in my power to overcome them. I don't want you to tell me to cheer up. "Mourn with those that mourn. Comfort those that stand in need of comfort." We're not expected to fix all the broken things in this world, but we should try to encourage where we can without diminishing others feelings. Sadness is not a sin.  


Allow me, if you will, to get a little personal here... As if I hadn't already... There is someone that I am very close to who has severe depression and anxiety. It has threatened to consume their very lives and I will admit that there were moments where I did not understand how anyone could be so unhappy. Sometimes you don't know until you're there yourself. I soon realized it was more than just feeling sad or down - it was a big black cloud of everything ugly in this world constantly shadowing their every thought and action. Don't you think that for one moment if they felt at all able, they would pick happiness over endless despair and heartache? That they don't fight everyday to find some semblance of joy? My biggest issue with the concept of happiness as a choice (mind over matter, the power of positive thinking, whatever you want to call it) is that it trivializes and diminishes the suffering of those who are legitimately and genuinely UN-happy. Those who are mentally and emotionally unable to attain joy in the wake of every awful thing they encounter. They do exist. You try telling them that they can choose.


I have no doubt that there are indeed those who can apply this principle of happiness in their lives. But what works for one does not necessarily work for all - at least not to the same extent. There is power in thinking we can control our circumstances and how we feel about them. But there is also power in relinquishing control and letting ourselves feel those sadnesses and bitter moments because they'll only make the happiness that does come that much sweeter.


So, my patient readers, I would now like to turn to you - to know your thoughts and experiences with regard to this topic... It keeps cropping up in this lil' ol' blog of mine and I would like to "hear" something besides my own written voice. Please to share.