Alright... I'll tell you...

Psh, lately I've been blogging like the details surrounding my new job are a carefully guarded secret. Ha! Not so. I just got all caught up in the WHY and HOW of this new job that I forgot to mention the WHAT.

I now work for Candle Warmers, Etc. as a full-time customer service representative. Exciting, huh? Well, it is to me. It's funny because when I worked at Roberts Crafts we actually carried some of their products. And I loved them! (We have 3 candle warming lamps at my house.) The company is based here in Utah and their main offices are up in Woods Cross. Woods Cross? Woods Cross? Anyway... Lots of different places carry their stuff. Not Roberts Crafts (they are kaput), but Bed Bath & Beyond, Ace Hardware, JC Penny, True Value, and tons of other smaller shops in between. I process orders for retailers and other businesses, as well as individuals who call in about our products. I really like it there so far and know what? It smells AMAZING.

So that's the new gig. Sorry for keeping you in suspense!

Tempests & Teapots

One week in. I have felt quite a lot of well-documented angst over this change, but with the hardest part behind me I can absolutely say I made the right decision. The hardest part came last Friday as I left my old job. I locked the door to my office, turned in my keys, and anxiously waited for Monday and its unknown horizon. At that point I felt like there was absolutely no going back. But when Monday came it felt good. Tuesday felt even better. And Thursday as I was thrown into the fray, fending for myself, I never once felt that overwhelming anxiety of “Oh-no-what-am-I-doing-here-this-was-a-mistake.” I’m enjoying the work, the people, and the environment. All those feelings of apprehension and uncertainty were nothing but a tempest in a tea pot. So join me in breathing a collective sigh of relief, will you? I’m ever so brilliant at making a great big something out of nothing.

And now I'm going outside.

Dream, Dream, Dream

Back already? I know... 

Remember how in last night's blog entry I mentioned an unfortunate dream I'd had? No? Anyway... Hours after posting that particular entry I woke up SHAKING WITH TERROR from what could be described as one of the craziest nightmares I've ever had. Looking back, I don't understand why I woke up feeling as frightened as I did because the details of the dream were really quite hilarious. But yeah, after waking up I couldn't fall back to sleep (way too paranoid) and so I pulled out my iPod and played some games. Finally, iPod still in hand, I dozed off. And the dream did not recommence. 

Can stress cause straight-up PSYCHOTIC dreams? I know I have been a little more anxious than usual lately... As a result, my dreams have become much more vivid and random and disturbing. And full of celebrities, too. If anyone wants to analyze my dreams (good luck), then please continue reading. There are a lot of gaps in the sequencing, but I'll try to recall the details. Seriously... I could use a decent night's sleep after this sideshow!

Last week... 

I dream I'm back in my old apartment except everything is in complete disrepair and I have random roommates that change throughout the dream. Dennis from 30 Rock (AKA Mayhem from those Allstate commercials) is our landlord and neighboring handyman. And he's really obnoxious. It's like a sitcom where there's an annoying neighbor who just won't go away. Anyway, he keeps dropping by to see if there is anything we need. Like I said, the apartment is in bad shape. Pretty soon he becomes such a nuisance we decide we need to get rid of him. Flash forward... We're (myself and the roomies) are at a gas station near Trolley Square when suddenly we're approached by Dennis and a couple of his thugs. He gets really confrontational and asks us what our problem is. We get in a heated argument with him and try to leave, but he just follows us. I notice a police officer standing on the corner, so I run over to him and grab his arm. The policeman is British actor Simon Pegg. (WHAT? I haven't even seen Hot Fuzz...) Anyway, I tell him that Dennis keeps harassing us, but by that time he's disappeared. Darn that Dennis...  I don't remember anything after that.

Over the weekend...

I dream I'm back at Roberts Crafts and I don't remember how to do anything. I'm standing at the Customer Service Desk, but I can't get my register to work. I don't recognize the program and don't know how to log into the register. There are customers lining up. Another cashier tries to yell instructions at me from her register, but I still don't know what I'm doing. Flash forward... I'm being picked up after work by Josh Hutcherson. He's driving a giant goldish-brownish Lincoln that looks about 30 years old. I hop in and pretty soon we're cruising up 33rd south, just chatting away. I start teasing him about being secretly in love with Jennifer Lawrence in real life. Then he starts teasing me about someone I like. And we're both giggling and it's ridiculous.

Last night... (shudder)

So in my dream it's like I'm watching everything unfold on a television set. However, there are also moments I'm right in the middle of all the action. It's going to sound hysterical when I tell you, but I assure you - it was NOT . This dream scared me so badly I couldn't even close my eyes for a good 20 minutes following. This time, Kenneth from 30 Rock (haha) was on a killing rampage (NOT haha). He was stabbing people with a large umbrella that had a knife hidden in the tip. By the time he finished, there was blood everywhere and he was just SO SCARY. He looked like a lunatic. 

The man of my dreams... Apparently...

SO - I'm watching all of this blood and carnage unfold on the television, when suddenly a raccoon walks into the room. And I just KNOW, don't ask me how, the raccoon is Kenneth in disguise. So we (there are other people with me) pretend everything's cool and that we didn't just witness him violently murder all these people. We don't want to make him mad, right? Raccoon Kenneth, despite being a furry varmint, is casually talking to us but he looks very suspicious. Eventually he climbs up onto my lap and I start freaking out like, "Oh no... He knows we know! I can't let him know I know he knows we know! Be cool!" At some point he turns back into human Kenneth and I think that must have been when I woke up. My last memory was seeing the knife-tipped umbrella. What is up with that??? 

Side note... Earlier in this dream I saw someone I know kissing Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson... I was at High School Reunion or something... And it was weird.

There you have it. If there are any amateur head-shrinkers out there, feel free to diagnose. I am not currently on any medications, but maybe I should be. One cannot go on dreaming like this forever! Why can't I ever dream about Harrison Ford?

Like and Loathe

We have many reasons for getting out of bed in the morning. Work, school, trips to the bathroom, the sound of a cat meowing outside your window... For me, I have days where it's easier to think of reasons to stay put. Reasons like being tired, or feeling sick, or not having anything cute to wear... This morning my sole reason for waking up was a bad dream I'd had during the night. It was the kind of dream that keeps you from falling back to sleep for fear of finding yourself back in the thick of the dream. I did not want to close my eyes and pick up where this dream left off, so instead I bounced out of bed and got an early start on my day. But to no avail. The dream did its damage and has followed me around all day like a gloomy little rain cloud. If it hadn't been for this dream, I would probably be in bed still. Stupid, creepy dream.

This is officially my last week with my current employer. I'm excited for the changes coming next week and hope I will be ready for whatever challenges they present. I'm sure there will be more entries written on this topic.

And now, let's explore a few items that have found their way onto Lauren's Like/Loathe list. 

Lately Lauren Likes...

... Sweet potatoes. I bought some at the store last night and cooked them up for dinner. I blame Crown Burger's Sweet Potato Fries for my cravings. I blame them for so many things.

... Cobb Salads from Boston Deli. Soon I won't have the luxury of a Boston Deli less than a block away from work. That is sad.

... Psych: Season 6. My sister and I watched the season finale last night and, suffice it to say, we are very anxious for season 7. Seasons that end with someone getting SHOT in the last episode often have that affect on a viewing audience. I love this show. It never gets old. 

... The Avengers. And it hasn't even been released yet! May 4th... I've decided I will like it no matter what.  

... Rainy days. Gloomy, dreary, soggy, rainy days. 

... "Simple Song" by The Shins

Lately Lauren Loathes...

... People who can't (or won't) park their cars correctly. Or they make up parking spots when a real spot lies a mere 10 feet away. 

... Parking lots in general.

... "Drive-By" by Train. This song needs to die... in a drive-by. See what I did there? Heh-heh...

... Dropping things on the floor and having to pick them up. I don't know why, but lately I've been dropping just about everything. It's starting to bug me.

... The fact my dad finished off what remained of a really (REALLY) yummy chicken salad I made myself for dinner last night. I was looking forward to my leftovers, but my dad had other plans.  

Lauren: (opens fridge) "HEY!... Who ate my chicken salad?" 

Silence from the next room. Still searching fridge. 

Lauren: "Mom? Dad?" 

Dad: (followed by another long silence) "Your mother did!" 

Mom: (scoffs) "Sounds like your Dad did!" 

Lauren: (whiningly) "You suuuuuuuuck..."

So I cooked up more sweet potatoes instead. Happy ending! And look! I liked one more thing than I loathed.

But who will speak for the squirrels!

Still experiencing moments of crisis over the job change thing. Rapid breathing, knot in stomach, dull headache, hot flashes... The usual. Exaggeration aside, my anxiety is decreasing and I know that things will be just fine. "I feel good... I feel great... I feel wonderful..."

Jeez, Lauren. Why put yourself through this if it's turning you into a basket case? 

Because it's necessary. And because I know if I were on the other side of the situation and HAD turned down the job offer, I would be fretting even more so over turning it down. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. Damn.

Yesterday on the way to work I heard something funny on the radio. The radio personalities were discussing a news story in which someone had come forward with a complaint about The Hunger Games movie. Apparently there was scene in the film they considered cruel and offensive, but it's probably not the scene you're thinking of. Who exactly was this disgruntled movie-goer? PETA. As in People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. But my brain didn't make that connection because my brain was busy making associations with The Hunger Games. So where they said PETA, I heard Peeta. As in Peeta Mellark. The story continues... PETA (in Lauren's head, Peeta) apparently took issue with a scene toward the beginning of the movie where Katniss shoots a squirrel with her bow and arrow, skins the little beastie, then eats it. All the while I'm thinking, "That's bizarre... Jeez, Josh Hutcherson, it's a little late to whine about it now. Why would you care?"

I eventually got there. 

PETA, not Peeta. That makes more sense... She admitted sheepishly.

Actually, it doesn't make sense... Because of ALL the scenes in the movie, THAT'S the one you want to complain about?? You don't even see the squirrel get shot. It's implied, but you don't actually see any graphic human-killing-squirrel violence... Weren't you more upset over the child-killing-child violence? The throat-cutting, neck-breaking, arrow-piercing, punch-throwing, knife-slinging violence of children thrown into an arena where it's either kill or be killed? Wouldn't that leave you feeling just a bit more uneasy than seeing Katniss eat a squirrel? Maybe it's because my eyes were closed for most of it, but I had no complaints about the violence in the movie. And because, having read the books, I knew I could expect some pretty grisly scenes. But squirrels (like the annoying one chatting up a storm in my backyard AS WE SPEAK) never even entered the equation. 

And now, I think I will go catch myself a nice fat squirrel that I can kill inhumanely and fry up for lunch. Yum! 

Good News/Bad News

It's that time again. Good News/Bad News time. How do I know? Because it's been a while since it was that time.

The Good... It was such a beautiful day! Nice and warm.

The Bad... It's too early to be this warm. At this point, June and July are looming on the horizon like the Fires of Mordor. I can't stand the heat! I can't even sit the heat.  

The Good... I still like my haircut! I tend to regret these things.

The Bad... It takes a bit longer to do the 'do in the morning. More styling of the hairs involved.

The Good... My Zumba feet are on the mend! And my calves are spectacular. 

The Bad... Nobody thought to tell my rear end.

The Good... Lauren has a new job! Starting April 23rd!

The Bad... (You asked for it...) As a result, I have experienced varying stages of Lauren Crisis Mode in the last 48 hours. The aforementioned crisis in question could hardly even be considered a crisis, but that doesn't matter much when you're me. Last Friday I applied for this position. That same afternoon I was called in for an interview. That same DAY I was offered the position. Thursday, as I updated my resume, I felt confident about my decision to apply. This job would prove a wonderful opportunity! There were no guarantees they'd even take me on, but I still wanted to try. 

Fast-forward to Monday when I handed in my 2 weeks notice. Now that I'm faced with the prospect of leaving my current job, panic has set in. Am I making the right decision? Should I have exhausted my other options? Am I ready for this change? 

I know all this anxiety is just a symptom of change, but knowing that doesn't make things any easier. A new job is GOOD NEWS. I just hate change. I'm abandoning what's comfortable in pursuit of the unknown. This week I've been looking around my office and thinking stupid things like "This stapler... I will never use this stapler again..." or "Look at all my sticky-note reminders..." or "That might be the last time I talk to So-and-So... I like So-and-So..."  They say the grass is always greener on the other side, but what if that's because I wasn't tending to my own grass well enough? What if I was too distracted by grass elsewhere that I couldn't adequately appreciate the grass I had? What if the grass where I'm going is worse? What if I don't even like grass?! AAAHHHHH!!

Yeesh, that's a lot of bad...

Anyway, I'm trying to cast my mind back to last Thursday when I felt better about the prospect of a new job. Because in my heart of hearts I know it's a good thing. Meanwhile, let us think happy thoughts... "Butterflies, Diet Coke, kittens, free chocolate, James McAvoy..." 

See? Better already. I think... 

Sunday Will Come

Being Easter Sunday, today in Relief Society we had a really wonderful discussion about the Savior. Our teacher handed out various depictions of Christ that correlated with accounts of his ministry in the scriptures. She asked us to consider what characteristics the Savior emulated in each of these accounts. By the end of our discussion we had filled up an entire blackboard. Of those qualities mentioned, there were a few that I hadn't really considered before.  Such as...

Faithful - Hard as it is sometimes, we are continually asked to place our faith in our Heavenly Father. Imagine how much faith was required of the Savior when He offered His life as a sacrifice for us. He accepted the will of His Father in every circumstance. How often can we say that?

Patient - As we exercise our faith, we are asked to be patient. To wait on the Lord. Which can be frustrating. We clamor for the blessings of Heaven to pour down upon us in a never-ending stream. When they don't, we feel neglected. Passed over. Ignored. 

What do we want? Blessings! When do we want them? Now!

But how patient is the Lord as He waits on us? How willing are we to follow Him? I know there are times I have not been very willing. I get distracted. I try to muscle my way through life and force my own will. I pretend I know better. Because I'm a stupid human being. But then when I finally come to my senses, guess what? The Savior is still there, waiting patiently. And He's saying, "I told you so..." Thank goodness He is infinitely more patient than we are.

Friend - It's something we learn in Primary and something we often forget, especially as we grow older. The Savior is our friend and loves us perfectly because He knows us perfectly. He seeks the lost, strengthens the weary, mourns with the broken-hearted, and forgives the condemned. He's not just there to fix what's broken and send us on our way. He takes us by the hand and offers His help and hope in every season of our lives. 

Our teacher concluded the lesson with this portion of a talk given by Elder Wirthlin - one I had forgotten and will now immortalize on my blog because it's so wonderful...

I think of how dark that Friday was when Christ was lifted up on the cross.

On that terrible Friday the earth shook and grew dark. Frightful storms lashed at the earth.

Those evil men who sought His life rejoiced. Now that Jesus was no more, surely those who followed Him would disperse. On that day they stood triumphant.

On that day the veil of the temple was rent in twain.

Mary Magdalene and Mary, the mother of Jesus, were both overcome with grief and despair. The superb man they had loved and honored hung lifeless upon the cross.

On that Friday the Apostles were devastated. Jesus, their Savior—the man who had walked on water and raised the dead—was Himself at the mercy of wicked men. They watched helplessly as He was overcome by His enemies.

On that Friday the Savior of mankind was humiliated and bruised, abused and reviled.

It was a Friday filled with devastating, consuming sorrow that gnawed at the souls of those who loved and honored the Son of God.

I think that of all the days since the beginning of this world’s history, that Friday was the darkest.

But the doom of that day did not endure.

The despair did not linger because on Sunday, the resurrected Lord burst the bonds of death. He ascended from the grave and appeared gloriously triumphant as the Savior of all mankind.

And in an instant the eyes that had been filled with ever-flowing tears dried. The lips that had whispered prayers of distress and grief now filled the air with wondrous praise, for Jesus the Christ, the Son of the living God, stood before them as the firstfruits of the Resurrection, the proof that death is merely the beginning of a new and wondrous existence.

Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.

But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.

No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come.

(General Conference, October 2006)


Happy Sunday.

Just a few things...

I went to the store last evening and had my eye on some Easter candy, specifically a large bag of mini Snickers. They were on sale. My sister sneakily put them on the counter but I said  "Nay!" before the cashier could scan them. Willpower. On Friday I bought a Butterfinger - because you never know when you'll be hit by a Butterfinger craving. Then I didn't even eat that Butterfinger until Sunday afternoon. Some willpower. Last week I went up to Wendy's for a small frosty and left with a MEDIUM frosty and a kids meal. No willpower. But we are seeing improvement.

My arches have been giving me some trouble lately. Imagine having a charlie horse. Now imagine having a charlie horse in your foot. Yow. I have high arches and the workout shoes I wear have very little arch support, causing the following...

The sensation of sore, aching feet or arch pain refers to an inflammation and burning sensation at the arch of the foot. This inflammation is due to the excessive stretching of the fibrous tissue located along the bottom surface of the foot, called plantar fascia.

Plantar fascitis is the term named after this condition and described as inflammation of the fascia, muscles and ligaments on the bottom of the foot, causing pain in the heel and arch of the foot. (via eHow Health)

So I consulted Dr. Scholl's and bought a pair of arch support gel insoles. They've been helping a bit - I now have very little pain in my left foot. But that darn right foot... Always causing problems. Will Lauren ever dance again???

Did you know we had Conference this last weekend? Because I had basically forgotten until the night before. That doesn't usually happen. Usually I will have prepared myself a little beforehand. So I woke up early Saturday morning for the Zumba and by the time I came home I was inordinately grouchy. Shocking... I was not in the Conferencing mood and was less than enthusiastic when 10:00 rolled around. Feeling quite contrary, I stubbornly planted myself in front of the TV in my basement and didn't move until the first session was over. As the meeting began I remember thinking, "Okay, okay... I got this." Surprisingly (or not so surprisingly), I enjoyed each session and felt really inspired by many talks. Specifically those given by Elders Holland and Perry, Pres. Eyring, Pres. Uchtdorf (always... always, always), and Pres. Monson. They spoke with a frankness that was somewhat refreshing to me, but there was still sincere love in their voices. Their talks made such an impression they may as well have put their hands on my shoulders, looked me square in the eye, and addressed me directly. I could feel a spiritual elbowing of the ribs. There's something to learn from everyone during Conference, but not every talk, every hymn, every prayer has to be a home-run. That said, I think (for me) this Conference certainly rounded a lot of bases.

Friday night I got my hairs cut. I was fed up with the shabby state of my too-long hair, so I walked into a Super Cuts and declared my immediate need for a trim. Bye-bye 5 inches of Lauren's hair. Why cut so much? I kept seeing a lot of cute medium/past-the-shoulder length hairstyles and decided I wanted a little past-the-shoulder action myself. Now re-read that last sentence without the innuendo. Creeper. The stylist shampooed, trimmed, layered, and dried my hair in record time and I was very happy with the result. Here's a question: Why does it feel so good when someone else shampoos your hair?

And now, the last thing...

Lauren's big reveal at the beauty salon!