Like A Bridge Over Troubled "Waters"

Look out. Here comes Philosophical Lauren...

A favourite bridge. The Brooklyn Bridge.

I'm not the kind of person who likes burning bridges. Metaphorically speaking. I've built many bridges over the years and if you ever told me I did something to horribly offend anyone on the opposite side of these bridges, I would be mortified. Even if I told you I didn't give a hoot about maintaining certain friendships or seeking others' approval, I still kinda would give a hoot. A BIG hoot. I value my relationships, as varied as they are, and I realize a fair few may require a lot more work than others. Any bridge will take time to construct and, ideally, you're never building alone. Conflict and confrontation? I don't like them. I'm much too passive-aggressive a person to ever articulate exactly what's on my mind, though I sure can beat my way around a bush. Mmm-hmmm. Maybe this is why some of my very best friends are those who can so easily read my moods, either backing off or calling my bluff when needed. I'm not so sure my immature-ish passive-aggression is much healthier than being confrontational and outspoken, but it's what I'm comfortable with. And it prevents a lot of bridges from going up in smoke.  

SO... do I believe I've burnt many bridges over the years? No. Most of my bridges are intact.

But the condition in which I find them is not always ideal.

Some bridges have fallen into serious disrepair due to neglect. I can't bring myself to cross them for fear of falling through their rotting beams. Some are completely forgotten or barely recognizable - like small, stone footbridges overgrown with weeds and other wild things, morphing into part of the surrounding landscape. Some bridges span great canyons with deep ravines, others straddle shallow streams. Some require a toll and the price just seems too high to pay. Other times I sit idly waiting for someone to cross over and join me on my side. There is even a scary bridge or two with a troll living underneath... You know, the kind of troll that will gobble up anyone who passes by. Oh boy, where has this metaphor gone... ?

Then again, some bridges may be just fine - still strong as ever and well tended by those on the other side who kindly ask me to join them. What keeps me from crossing these bridges? Maybe not knowing what I'll find once I've crossed. Or feeling I've changed too much or not enough to revisit them. I'm sure by now you see what I mean... 

While I'm not dousing any of these bridges in lighter fluid and striking a match, my more dismissive attitude is no less damaging. I've been thinking a lot about my different relationships - friends and family I've not seen in far too long and missed terribly. Potential friendships I've let go of. Resentment I've let creep in and prevent me from making certain relationships stronger. If you find yourself on the other side of a bridge I have neglected, I'm sorry. Repairs are needed and I hope to make them.

But for now, this metaphor is getting rather tired. And so am I! 

Q & A...

... Or 11 things you wish you didn't know about me, but now you do. Or at least you will.

If you're reading this, you are hereby obligated to copy this list of questions and respond to them on your own blog. Because that's how it works. If you don't intend to re-post, then you better stop reading here, my friend.

I said stop...

Okay, but a deal's a deal...

1 / What do you wish you were better at saying no to?

Yummy food. I'm being serious... Whether it's an invitation to dinner with friends, the candy counter at a movie theater, the welcoming glow of an "open late" drive-thru window, or a pan of warm brownies, I am absolute rubbish at turning down food. I'm a food opportunist. An oppor-food-nist.

2 / What do you love most about where you live?

Three things: mountains, the fact we have all 4 seasons and they're each beautiful, and lastly, my people. Not all the people, but I do love my people.

3 / Who would you nominate as person of the year + why?

Serious answer: my dad. You don't even know.

Not serious answer: the cast of The Avengers.

4 / What makes your skin crawl?

Wet Willies from my brother. He calls them... Moist Michaels. Actually, the fact he calls them that makes my skin crawl even worse.

5 / What was your first job?

Babysitter.

6 / Name your top 3 restaurants.

Lately? Deli - Zupa's, Fast Food - Apollo Burger, Mexican - Nacho House.

7 / Would you rather age forward or backwards from this point forward?

I'd like to rewind, stop at about 19, then start moving forward again knowing what I know now.

8 / How do you measure success? 

By how many 'likes' I accumulate on facebook? By the number of songs I download on iTunes? How much weight I've lost? Whether or not I have any gentlemen callers? Or is it by the number of people who show up to ward choir practice? Not really. Ideally, it would be how happy and at peace I feel at the end of each day.

9 / Describe yourself in 3 words?

What I like to believe: witty, talented, and adored... wink, wink...

Truth: insecure, awk-wierd (my own personal hybrid), and indecisive.

10 / What is the very best smelling perfume?

I like most anything by Ralph Lauren for the ladies. I myself own a bottle of (what else?) Lauren by Ralph Lauren. For the gents? Anything by Armani. Oh, yeaaaah...

11 / Do you prefer to read, write, or run in your free time?

Read. Haha... run. That's funny.

. . .

Your turn.

Wobble

FULL... OF... FEELINGS...

MUST... BOTTLE... UP...

I'm a mess. These feelings are not all bad feelings - just varied. And that can be exhausting. Let's chalk it up to wonky hormones and a stressful start to the week, shall we? 

Saturday's performance at the Conference Center was wonderful and for those of you who were looking, the lower part of my face made its Relief Society broadcast debut. Which is good, because my second chin is my favorite. I know I promised a wink, but the cameras must have caught me in between winks. Next time! ...Not really...

Honestly, I'm quite proud of our choir. It's hard to sing primary hymns without sounding like primary children. We did struggle early on in our rehearsals, of which we had only 6. Our director told us to sing like we were "fat and 35," so that helped. Besides the music, I was very impressed with the speakers. The new R.S. General Presidency made a very good first impression and articulated some things that were so very relevant to my current state of being. Shockingly so in some instances. I look forward to watching the broadcast again, not to check myself out (hey-hey!) but to revisit the speakers' messages. Especially Pres. Eyring's since I was near comatose at that point in the meeting. As much as I loved being there on Saturday, my mind and body were so exhausted that I don't think I fully appreciated each talk. But that's what LDS.org is for. And the Conference Ensign. 

Canyon Rim

We got a wave and a thumbs up from Pres. Uchtdorf. 
Imagine 300 Mormon girls giggling and waving as if, 
I don't know, David Archuleta walked into the 
Conference Center. Present company included.

Changing the subject... I used another men's room this evening. I was heading into Zumba and needed to stop by the powder room (that's the polite terminology), but alas, it was out of order. I wasn't in emergency mode this time, I just didn't want to walk clear across the building to find another ladies' room. And so, with nary a man in sight, I took a deep breath, walked in the conveniently located men's room, and locked the door behind me. It looked exactly like the ladies' room. No urinal or the like, just a single toilet. I was well at ease. Why must I share this?? Because my visits to the men's room have increased by 200% in the last week and a half. That's pretty remarkable. But not habit forming, I'm sure.

Oh, and we did something called The Wobble at Zumba tonight. And it is my new favorite dance.