Of Saints and Singles...

DISCLAIMER: This post contains content of a somewhat sensitive nature. It conveys the opinions of this humble blogger and should be read with the understanding that I am merely expressing my thoughts. So please take with grain of salt... and call me in the morning.

There is this great big anxiety that I feel from time to time... Sometimes it's so overwhelming, I feel like I'm going to spontaneously combust - which wouldn't be so good, considering I have anxieties about fire. It's a scary and unpleasant thing and despite my very best efforts, it has clouded many days. Not all, but many. There are moments where I have thrown my hands up in defeat and ranted to my Heavenly Father. These rants are never directed at Him - I simply unload the seemingly endless heaps of emotion and frustration at His feet and say, "Please help me sort this out! It's a mess!" I don't think He minds... I think He understands. And I always manage to feel a little better afterward.

I feel like for other single women my age, most of their anxieties can be traced to the fact they're unmarried. Relief Society meetings in most singles' wards are basically held for sisters to air their grievances about how they are "not where they thought they'd be" at 22, 24, 27, 30... We're all stuck in our singles' ward - no wonder we're so upset! ...Lies. All of them. At least for me. My rut has nothing to do with being single. And the sisters in my ward are wonderful. 

I have numerous friends who are wives and mothers - they are beautiful examples of what any woman would hope to be. I love them dearly. For me, the end of my single days is a bit further off. But unlike most single sisters, it is irrelevant to my current plight. 

So while I'm okay being single, I'm still troubled by the pressure that a girl of my age and situation feels among her peers to NOT be single anymore. To change from a "Miss" to a "Missus." This pressure often creates an alienating force between Church members and the single adults found in their midst. And it doesn't exactly improve with the passage of time. You're still single? You're how old??

I thinks it's similar to a Jane Austen novel, where young girls, their mothers, and other well-meaning busy-bodies are always on the hunt for a prospective beau (handsome, wealthy, and don't forget - a returned missionary!), men who are always out for the prize bride (young, accomplished, and HOT!), and lastly - where remaining single past a certain age is not great. These stories expose the societal and familial pressures of the time - to marry young and to marry well.

Okay - obviously there are far greater advantages to living here in the 21st century. And not everyone have the same standards when measuring up a potential companion. But still... The similarities between today's expectations and those more antiquated ideals of the past ring true. Get married. Get married now.  To a man who earns £10,000 a year. 

I don't think Church members are intent on alienating or harming anyone. No no no. In a perfect world, all members would marry and raise righteous families in the Gospel, because families are central to our Heavenly Father's plan. Families are essential, period. However, I think Heavenly Father wants us to have a sense of our INDIVIDUAL worth. My worth. ME. There are those among my friends and family (some older, some younger) whose very existence and self worth is defined by whether or not they are attached to someone romantically. Or if they ever will be. WHY?? Why can't you find joy in who you are and the successes you've had thus far? Why don't you believe you are enough? Why do you begrudge others their happiness and abandon all hope for yours? Why do you think finally meeting the perfect guy/girl will complete your life right this very second? 

You need to feel a sense of completion and happiness if you're ever going to make a healthy and meaningful attachment to someone else... Right? Part of my problem is the completeness and happiness I feel within myself seems perpetually under construction. I may build a wall here only to have another one crumble to pieces. Or I may put in too many windows where  doors should be. Or I may try to add a second story and find my foundation weakening. 

Vague home-renovation metaphors aside, I firmly believe our self worth should not be conditional on our "relationship status."  You are not any less worthy or wonderful because you aren't married... 

...yet.

Penny Lane

Whilst exploring my neighborhood on one of my walkies the other day, a little something caught my eye. Upon closer inspection, I discovered there were several of these "little somethings." 

There's this lane (not a street, not an alley) near my apartment where the road is very narrow and a tiny uneven sidewalk runs down one side. There are only a few houses down this lane and as I was rounding the corner in front of the first house, I became distracted by a round, shiny object on the sidewalk- a penny. And it was face up. Well, I wasted no time in snatching up that little beauty (my Mama didn't raise no fool) and put it in my shoe.  

While I was down there with my nose to the pavement, I noticed another shiny object- another penny. Then another. I stood up, looked around, and beheld the wealth of Abe Lincolns at my feet. There were many scattered all over, like someone had thrown a roll of pennies out of a moving car or something. If you had been casually glancing around, not really paying attention you could have easily mistaken them for stones in the cement or something. Lucky for me they weren't. So I picked up 2 more that were heads up (hey, I can use all the help I can get) and decided each time I passed that spot I would pick up another penny. I do change up my walking routine every once in a while, but I make sure at some point I'm walking around the corner of Lucky Penny Lane. A little incentive never hurt. And I have over a dozen pennies! 

Yeesh, it's like I'm getting for these little excursions. 

In My Own Little Corner...

Hahaha... this was the post I was working on earlier today:

"So has anyone else noticed how green the air has smelled this week? I can go outside, take a big whiff and say, "Oh, yes.  Spring is on its way." Which is a comforting thought, considering the number of below freezing temperatures we had this past winter. It made for some beautiful snowy days, but I've enjoyed this latest glimpse of things to come. It reminds me of The Secret Garden- how everything still seems bland and gray on the surface, but you sense things are changing. The wind today was full of Spring! And I'm going to ignore the fact that it is actually bringing us more winter."

Yeah, it might be a little difficult to ignore it now. So naive... I have an excellent idea- Let's change the subject!

Today I'm beginning yet another portion of my blog. I like to call this one... Adventures (aka "Misguided Attempts") in Decorating. Many of my sistah-friends have been posting photos of their very own decorating/renovation projects in their new homes. Also, many of my friends and family have yet to see my place, so I'm offering a leetle preview.

While working at Roberts Crafts I would always mourn the fact that I didn't have my very own abode to decorate- so sad. That store carried some stankin' cute stuff! But it's not like it stopped me from buying copious amounts of knick-knacks and doo-dads. Since moving into my own place, I've been able to stretch my creative legs a bit. The following is documentation of my efforts and what one can accomplish in a very tight space with a very tight budget. First up is my bedroom. It is about the size of what some of you might consider a decent-size walk-in closet. Anyhoo... I was going for Shabby-Chic, but I think I got mostly shabby. Well, I like it and I'm the one who counts, right? I had to tackle many mini projects to get it where it is now. So I'd better like it.

 See? Teeny-tiny. A queen or full-sized bed was a no-go.

 Clockwise: Big Ben, Peter Pan statue, London Underground, Tower Bridge

 I had a design magazine that said this portion of a screen door makes a 

really cool picture holder. When  I moved into my place the landlord 

said whatever was out in the shed was ours if we wanted it. 

He just so happened to have this old rusty screen door...

 I had furniture identical to this when I was a wee one. It belonged to my mother. 

If you'd have asked me 10 years ago if I'd ever want this kind of furniture again...

 I really do collect them. 

Magnet board with white button magnets.

This corner was the last to get some attention.  

I had tons of stuff just piled there for a couple months.

So yeah. That's my bedroom. It's about one third the size of my old bedroom, BUT at least it's all mine. The closet, the clothes, and even the messes- all MINE! Which is nice. 

I don't have any other pictures of the rest of the apartment yet, but they will be coming shortly. Maybe. So stay tuned. Thanks.

For the Birds

I've been doing a little redecorating, as you can see. Or maybe you DON'T see. Anyway... I quite literally have an inherited affinity for birds. My mother's maiden name is Bird and I've grown up in a home with all sorts of bird paraphernalia. Here's a sampling of the kind of thing I make my mom on her Birthday...

And it doesn't end there. While shopping, my mom will usually snatch up any bird themed items plus 5 more to give her sisters for Christmas or on their Birthdays. Her sisters do the same, so there's no shortage of decor of the avian variety at my parents' house. Here are a few other instances of bird fixation in my family...


If we ever get together with my aunts and cousins, it's called a "Bird Girls" outing. My grandparents (and great-grandparents) sang in the MoTab choir, so part of our family legacy is that we all "Sing like a Bird." A bird once made a nest in a wreath my mom made for our front door- right on our front door! This beautiful nest, complete with three little eggs! And our family's cabin is called The Bird's Nest. You get the idea. So I redecorated the old Blog-oh-la with a bird theme (notice the birds perched on the wire) and if my mother's reading this, she's probably crying tears of joy.

I also have an affinity for The Beatles, so if you like birds and Beatles then you may like this: 

Now it's time for a portion I like to call Good News/Bad News...

The good news... I finished LOST!

The bad news... I finished LOST.

The good news... My apartment is small enough that I can plug my vacuum in one outlet and vacuum the entire place.

The bad news... My apartment is so small it makes entertaining difficult.

The good news... I made Muddy Buddies tonight with Kass!

The bad news... Because Kass refused to take any home with her, I have practically an entire bowl of Muddy Buddies left over. They're just sitting in the fridge, calling my name with their Siren Song of Sweetness. "Lauren... Lauren..." 

The good news... The mysterious leak has disappeared.

The bad news... We never determined where said leak was coming from. Now we just have to wait 'til it shows up again.

The good news... I got paid on Thursday!

The bad news... A day later, the money is practically gone with the bills I have to pay and the groceries I need to buy.

The good news... I read over 70 pages of War and Peace within the last 3 days!

The bad news... I still have 300 to go. Wop wop.

Thus concludes my first installment of Good News/Bad News.

Apples and Oranges

You know what's dangerous?  Comparing yourself to other people. And really, I should know. You can't take the worst aspects of yourself and hold them up to the best of someone else... or vice versa. Otherwise your self-worth isn't based on what you can do or who you are, but what you can do and who you are COMPARED to so-and-so. You'll either come out feeling inferior to that individual or worse... superior. Among my family members and friends I can observe areas where they excel individually as well as other areas where they may fall short, but those observations should never dictate how I feel about myself or about them. I shouldn't take advantage of their strengths or weaknesses and manipulate them to suit my own agenda. That's something I've had to learn over the years-- and I'm still learning. Be happy with what you are able to accomplish, try to help others where you can, push yourself to do a little better, and when sizing yourself up, leave everyone else out of the equation. Don't let the successes and failures of those around you define how you feel about your own successes and failures.  I, of course, must learn to take my own advice, but that's why I wrote this.

(Steps down from soap box...)

In other news, I love my walkies. I have been pretty dedicated the last few weeks and have been walking 5-6 days a week. Yes, walking. And for those of you who define walking as using your legs to get you from point A to point B in everyday scenarios, that's not what I'm talking about. I am not celebrating my ability to get out of my bed and walk into the bathroom every morning. No. I am celebrating the fact that I have bundled up, put on my sneaks, plugged in the 'pod, turned on my pedometer, and have takin' it to the streets! I have POUNDED that pavement! And in some instances it has pounded back. It's an art form, really. Even in 8 degree weather, I was out there forging trails and going where no dog-walker dared! That's the stuff of legend right there. So hurray for my walkies.  

Lauren... In Boots?

Seems like everyone out there has a pair of boots! Not winter boots, hiking boots, or even moon boots, but a pair of stylish, tall, dress-them-up-or-dress-them-down BOOTS!  Boots that were made for walkin'! Yeah, those boots. I was recently facebook stalking someone whose style is pretty similar to my own... or I'd like to think so? I guess you could say I emulate her style. Whether I'm successful or not is up for debate. The major difference? She wears these adorable boots.  They're tan (light brown?), flat-heeled, non-slouchy, and just about the best-lookin' things I've seen on a pair of feet since Cinderella's glass slipper.  I wants them. I has to has them.  So I've been looking and looking and looking for a boot that will leave my bank account in tact as well as live up to my standard of Bootness... with a capital B! According to my research, the boot in question is nearly impossible to find!  There are some variations of said boot, but nothing I'm in love with. And there's something else that must be considered as I try to make a decision-- my ample calves. I've tried on boots in the past that would not zip past my mountainous calf muscles. Drat! Those boots I do find either don't have my size in the color I want or the color in the size I want. Apparently the color I am looking for is "cognac" and the size is a 7 1/2 W or WW depending on the calf-width. Here's the closest I could find to the most boot-iful boot.  

Ideally they wouldn't have 3 buckles, but I think I can overlook that tiny indiscretion. I don't know, I may be able to do some serious walkin' in these babies. 

But alas, the search continues.