Dear Old Navy...
If I buy your Sweetheart blue jeans in one size, I expect that same size to fit just as well in the black Sweetheart jeans. So stop it.
Dear Captain America...
Your new movie comes out in one week! I don’t know how it happened, but you are my favorite Avenger. (How did I come to have a favorite Avenger in the first place?) Maybe it’s because you’re from a bygone generation. Maybe I'm inspired by your humble beginnings – your father wasn’t a wealthy entrepreneur or a Norse God. Or maybe I’m more patriotic than I realize. If I’m honest, it’s likely because you’re played by Chris Evans. But whatever.
Dear Zumba...
If I didn’t have to share you with dozens of other sweaty women, I might attend more regularly. Isn’t there some sort of safety code we’re violating with this many people shoved in one dance room? Zumba’s hard enough without worrying about stepping on little old ladies every time I mambo or cha-cha. Oh, and more hip hop please!
Dear Boo...
You are so endearingly pathetic in your clear little Cone of Shame. It’s even more pathetic when you try to lick yourself through the plastic. If we didn’t think you’d gnaw off your leg, we’d remove it. Just embrace the cone for now. It serves a purpose beyond making us giggle whenever you saunter sadly into a room.
Dear Thursday...
Why-oh-why did you feel like a Friday?
Dear Malaysian Flight 370...
Okay, so what really happened to you? Because I don't believe anything I hear on the news anymore... The thought of crashing into the ocean is terrifying enough, but for a plane and its 239 passengers to just disappear completely? For weeks?? Anything they tell us now just sounds like a massive coverup. A debris field discovered off the coast of Australia? Satellite signals? Sonar imaging of the ocean floor? We'll see...
Dear Chris Martin (of Coldplay)...
Sorry about your recent "conscious uncoupling" from Gwyneth Paltrow. I read all about it (several times... in different articles...) on Yahoo. You should channel all that post break-up emotion into some melancholy new music. I would buy that album...
Dear Vacation Time...
Let's think of some fun ways I can use you up. We're nearing 8 months without a vacation... I don't need to go far... Just far enough.
Dear High School Reunion...
To go, or not to go? That is the question. I'm definitely leaning one way more than the other. Care to guess?
Dear Facebook Quizzes...
Thank you for validating my life in one of the most superficial ways possible. Based on the quizzes I've taken thus far, I work as a designer and live in London with my roommate and bestie Amy Poehler. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is my boyfriend, of course, but if I were single it would only be because I'm too attractive. The downside? I'm Lady Edith.
Sincerely...
Lady Edith
(um, post deleted which was enraging, so I did a re-type)
ReplyDeleteLol, oh Edith. Poor poor Edith, she really needs to catch a break. But hey JGL for a boyfriend? I feel like that makes up for any losses ;)
As far as the reunion goes I am also leaning towards one way more than the other.... I'll give you a hint, it's towards the way where I won't be eating Cafe Rio around 3900 S. 2300 E...........
If I want to keep in touch, I do.
Dear Old Navy, RIGHT?!?!?! Seriously, their sweetheart pants are ridiculous. I'm one size in purple and a different size in red and a different size in jeans. One time it took me 2 hours to find all of them in the right sizes. Ridiculous.
As for the vacation time, I hope you fill it up with something fun and new! Maybe a girls trip, those are the best :)
Ugh, on the HS Reunion. I can't decide other. I mostly think no, but then it is literally happening within walking distance of my house, and it just seems weird not to go then. Plus, I'd like to catch up with people I've lost track of, but then they probably won't be there. Le Sigh.
ReplyDeleteEither not other, cut the random "literally" too, I blame Parks and Rec.
ReplyDeleteI want to go to the reunion because 1) I want all us girls to be together and hang out and 2) I want to see the new Olympus! We should go......if it's not fun then we can always bail ;) we are going and that's that! Hehe ;)
ReplyDeleteDear Lauren,
ReplyDeleteThank you for another wonderfully worded blog post of entertainment.
Love, Melinda