The Things I Do...

Things I do that I hope that other people do too...

• Getting a box for your leftovers at a restaurant and then eating them as soon as you get home. Even though it may be after midnight. “I couldn’t eat another bite. Really... In front of you lot, that is.”

• Not having anywhere to put the stale piece of gum you’ve been chewing for 5 hours and promptly spitting it out on the street.

• Shutting your closet door before getting into bed.

• NOT shutting the bathroom door if you know you’re home alone. This is bound to backfire.

• Trying to make only one trip from your car to your front door after arriving home with bags and bags of groceries. And 4 gallons of milk.

• Laughing at the worst possible moments purely because you know you shouldn’t. This usually hits in church or during a really dramatic moment in a movie. It’s really bad if you’re the only one laughing.

• Losing count of how many times you’ve worn the same pair of jeans before you finally wash them.

• Coughing loudly or making some other noise to cover up the sound of your stomach growling like a Balrog. This never works very effectively and you just end up drawing more attention to yourself.

• Putting the carton of milk back in the fridge even though you’ve just emptied it. I don’t do this one on purpose, just out of habit. 1) Pour milk 2) Put milk back in fridge.

• Screening someone’s call as they’re looking right at you from across the street… I did this once and still feel terrible. Terrrrrrible.

• Being put on the spot (standing up in front of a room full of people, seeing someone you really like, receiving a compliment) and bursting into flames. Not literally, but feeling a full body blush creep up your back, your neck, and into your scalp.

• Wearing nylons or tights so you don’t have to shave your legs.

• Making a batch of brownies and ending up sitting in front of the TV eating straight out of the bowl. I always use the excuse that I’m “waiting for the oven to heat up.” 10 minutes later, I have only half a batch of brownies left.

• Seeing someone you know in the grocery store and going completely out of your way to avoid them, only to have them catch you off guard down one of the more embarrassing aisles where they keep acne-wash, cat food, feminine hygiene, or anti-diarrheal medication. Joy.

• Knowing you have only seconds to use the bathroom before you completely “mess” yourself and finding out there’s a line or that it’s out of order. AHHHH!! I know… disgusting.

• Sucking in your gut while checking yourself out in a mirror (thinking you’re hot stuff) then later unexpectedly catching your reflection in a window or something and realizing that your gut is hanging out all over the place. Oh, and that you have 18 chins.

• Hearing one of your favorite songs for the first time on the radio and knowing you only have a week before you never want to hear it again.

• Watching that commercial with Sarah McLachlan about animal cruelty and feeling like you've just received the worst news of your entire life. My mom and I saw it for the first time shortly after our cat Risky disappeared. We cried.

• Meeting the man of your dreams, and then meeting his beautiful wife.

(That last one isn't mine)